HOW TO RAISE YOUR CHILD ON A BUDGET

Raising kids does not have to cost a fortune. With just a little time and effort, you can provide yourself and your child with all life’s necessities: healthy meals, cool clothes, and enriched opportunities, and still stick to a budget.

  • Determine how much you can afford each month and stick to the budget.
  • Explain to your child that you live on a budget and family needs come before wants.
  • Shop around for the best deals on food and clothing. Take advantage of outlets, wholesale, and thrift stores.
  • Buy food in season and freeze bread and milk.
  • Make family meals and baby food from scratch. Save on the expense of formula and breast feed, if you can.
  • Pack school lunches instead of buying.
  • When you go out to dinner, split adult meals between children instead of ordering from the children’s menu.  It often comes out cheaper.
  • Use coupons for entertainment, restaurants, and haircuts. I love Groupon.com.
  • Visit parks, zoos and museums for inexpensive entertainment.
  • Find bargains at yard sales and in classified ads.
  • Let it be known that you like hand-me-downs. Keep them organized.
  • Investigate high-priced items by borrowing from a friend first.

AT AGE 30, THESE WERE THE RULES THAT I SET FOR MY LIFE

When I turned 30, I made a new list of rules for myself.

  1. No more letting people borrow money that they never pay back!
  2. No more paying for women to have abortions! 
  3. No more accepting collect calls!
  4. No more taking care of other people’s children!
  5. No more feeling guilty and doing things I don’t want to do!
  6. No more going places because other people want me to go!
  7. No more meeting people’s families so they can prove they know me!
  8. I was tired of being the birthday clown. (Yes, people ask for you to come over like I’m a birthday present to someone.  It’s weird)!
  9. No more fake friends.  I’d rather spend my days alone!
  10. No more dating groupies (male groupies are just as bad as women)!
  11. No more driving people around like I’m a taxi!
  12. And last but not least, no more putting other people’s needs in front of my own!

I received an inspirational text from my friend Keeland Ellis that I will never forget. He told me, “Have no friends who do not equal you. Watch those that you don’t know who are always wanting to be with you, and those who are wanting to be like you!”

I wish he would have told me this straight out of high school but he told me on time because not only did I hear every word of it, but I understand it now so I guess that’s an example of God’s time.

MY NOT SO LONELY VALENTINE’S DAY

Model : Sabrina Blanks

Most (70%) black women are single.  It’s not uncommon, so don’t be depressed anymore about spending Valentine’s Day with the person you love most: yourself.  Guess what else?  According to the Office for National Statistics, fewer people than ever are choosing to get married.  The number of 25 to 45-year-old women who live alone has doubled over the past two decades, with twice as many single women buying properties as single men.  So, what does this mean?  More and more women are choosing the single life and are doing (quite well) for themselves.

Alone does not have to mean lonely.

  • Go out to see a movie of your choice that is super girly and leaves you feeling good and happy.
  • Take yourself out to a three-course dinner at a restaurant that serves amazing food.
  • Put on your favorite Pandora channel and have a dance party.
  • Make a list of why you are beautiful, then post it on your bathroom mirror. Read it every time you look at yourself in the mirror.
  • Clean out your closet and donate all the clothes you don’t feel hot and healthy in to charity.
  • Read a feel-good book from cover to cover.
  • Take a luxurious bubble bath with organic essential oils or flower petals. Light some candles for ambiance.
  • Put on your pretty lingerie for you to enjoy and eat that box of chocolates bought for you by you!
  • Put on a little black dress and go out dancing.
  • Purchase some of your favorite healthy food and make yourself a delicious meal, eaten by candlelight.  Don’t forget that sexy glass of wine.
  • Take a dance class.
  • Have a spa day at home. Look up organic treatments you can give yourself, such as a mayo hair mask and cucumber slices on your eyes.
  • Play a musical instrument.
  • Take a yoga class.
  • Enjoy the quiet and Meditate.
  • Write a love letter to yourself.
  • Make a vision board of the kind of things you want to attract into your life.
  • Deep clean a room in your house.
  • Create some artwork.

The day is about love. Take the time to love yourself and do something that is fulfilling to you!

LEARN TO LET GO AND LIVE

I often remind myself, the picture in an artist mind is not often what’s translated on canvas, but it doesn’t make it less beautiful. ~ Cherie

 

I had to learn to let go and live. Life just doesn’t always move as planned no matter how long I spend working on the details. I am a stickler for schedule and being on time. From what I have learned, most of the world is NOT the same. No matter how much I prepare and break my neck to have things fall into place, often they just don’t, for reasons far out of my control. Someone always cancels and someone is always late. I expect to be paid on a certain date and I am not. It drives me insane and eats me up inside. I am by nature one of those people who does exactly what I say I am going to do. I have to accept the world is just not like me. In return, I am slowly learning to let go! I am learning to let go of the things I can’t control and giving it all to the universe.  (Maybe it’s my inner hippie.) I am learning how to find the beauty in every situation.

Just this week, I had 2 telephone conference calls just flake, and a nutritional consultation rescheduled last minute. I homeschool my daughter, so I busted my ass to make sure she was finished with school by 1 p.m., in order to take these calls. Had lunch ready to go so she would be preoccupied eating and watching YouTube, so the callers didn’t have to hear her talking in the background. While a part of me was fuming at the fact that they flaked… I had to take a moment and smile because I was able to hang out and eat lunch with my baby, where usually I would have just eaten the leftovers off her plate before I did the dishes and ran out the door to take her to Tae Kwon Do.

I was able to sit down next to her at the table and we talked and laughed while we ate. I listened to her tell me all about her LOL dolls and which were her favorites and why. I had to remind myself if I were on that conference call this would’ve been a moment that I would have missed with her. I smiled because I was able to be in the moment with her. Looking in her eyes and seeing the excitement made me realize I was exactly where I needed to be at that moment. I now get the saying let go, live life!

WE LIVE IN THE DAY AND AGE OF 🍆 PICS

Fellas, a lot of you out there are sending your wieners to the ladies hoping it’s going to draw you some attention… let me break it down to you. NO WOMAN IS GOING TO EVER TAKE YOU SERIOUS! The same wiener picture you sent to me, I understand you sent it to many others. Often, even to my homegirl and bruh…we compare notes and clown your ass behind your back. Just like a man, would we often share your picture when we see you are a mutual friends with the homie. (That way they know what you are working with.)

While on occasion it might get you laid, sorry buddy that’s as far as it’s going to go.

You can’t lead with your dick and expect it can be romance. Women have evolved as far as their sexuality and their common-sense buddies. No woman wants a man who’s been showing off his love muscle in private Facebooks groups. It’s a joke and a turn off. They are not going to EVER parade you around with pride while their homegirls are laughing. Yes, they might have paid you all the attention until they got what they wanted but then it was over. See women are now flipping the script! This is a conversation and mentality we learned from you guys, now we get to use it against you too. Men need to hold themselves in the same regard they hold us ladies because we are laughing at many of y’all the SAME WAY!

You need to cut it OUT! Approach is everything.  Often women can’t get beyond the approach. If you want things to be more than one night, you got to work little harder. There are men in our inbox sending cash app money for NO REASON and plane tickets! In other words, you sending your dick, we gonna treat you like a dick! No exceptions… It’s all good kid.  You played yourself.  You get what you give! You sent the homie the same dusty dick picture.  BRUH WE KNOW AND WE ARE LAUGHING AT YOU! Continue reading “WE LIVE IN THE DAY AND AGE OF 🍆 PICS”

SEASONS TO PLANT AND SEASONS TO HARVEST

There are seasons to plant and seasons to harvest. If you plant certain foods during the wrong season, the cold or hot temperature may kill off the entire crop before it is even able to root. This holds true to life as well as gardening.

We need to learn to stop comparing our garden (life) to others. Being content on exactly where you are in life is the key to happiness. My 40’s has taught me the universes gives us exactly what we need when we need it. Organically what is ours will come as long as we work for it. We can water our grass every day and it may not be as green as we like or grow as fast but the important part is we put the sod down. When it rains that sod will grow 3 times faster than it did from us watering it.

Life is all about timing and when the universe is ready. Be patient, give up some control, your time is yours and nobody and nothing can take it from you!

AS WE PREPARE FOR OUR 2019 SCHOOL YEAR

Psychological verbiage is one of the biggest issues I’ve observed that minority parents have with our school system.

Elementary school teachers, please, as you’re planning your lessons for Black History Month, I beg you to pay attention to your verbiage! These historical names you will be teaching about were not born slaves! They were born people who were forced into slavery. I know many are like, what’s the difference. There is a big difference. When you are explaining things to children, it is your opportunity to shape their mind forever.

Slaves were thought of as less than…beneath others. So, calling them slaves before you call them people helps carry on the same mentality America has carried for centuries, which doesn’t help White America connect with empathy! It also plays on the self-esteem of your young black students. Early on, it embeds in their minds that they come from a lineage of the lessor than tribe of people! As if they were born from savages, which is the furthest from the truth!

As a teacher, this is your chance to really change the future of our country forever! Let’s not just make lesson plans surrounded by the mandatory guide lines. Let’s remember why you first got interested in your career and that was to help change the world one child at a time!

Empathy is something that some people are NOT born with, it needs to be taught. It is the “ability to consciously put oneself in the mind of another individual and imagine what that person is thinking or feeling.”  Automatically white children are not thinking, “This could be me.” So, they look over at sometimes the only black child in the class and associates it to them. (I know this first hand. I was the only black child in my class.  I dreaded the looks EVERY YEAR.)

It’s an opportunity to help children discover what they may have in common with these legendary people they are learning about. It is a proven fact that adults tend to feel greater empathy for an individual when they perceive the individual to be similar to them. So why would children be any different?

At this point, Black History Month is the only form of Reparations Black Americans have! So please, do it the justice it deserves.

🎁REPOST: HOW TO SURVIVE YOUR TOXIC FAMILY THIS HOLIDAY SEASON🎁

I know a lot of people will be spending time with their families this upcoming week, so here is a reminder of how to survive it.

***

Growing up, I really thought it was just me! Not until social media and those Petty Holiday Auntie memes did I understand I was not the only one who hated family get togethers.

The great thing about being an adult is you control yourself and your environment. I was born into a very dramatic family. They will be pissed off about this blog.  Even the ones who don’t speak to me will read it and then talk about me. LOL.  I had to learn that I am not responsible for the way other people feel. I am only responsible for my own feelings. I used to dread family get togethers and have anxiety attacks at the thought of being in my mother’s house with those negative people. I love them, but at the same time, can’t stand half the things that come out of their mouths, full of uncalled for judgement and disses. This was just not how I wanted to spend my day, that was supposed to be full of happiness. Once I realized no matter what I do, what I wear or how I wear my hair, no matter who my date was they were still going to have something negative to say. Finally, it clicked, “I CAN’T GET APPROVAL FROM SOMEONE WHO DOESN’T APPROVE OF THEMSELVES.”

I cannot control other people, but I can control how I choose to deal with them. I had to learn whatever I focused on controlled my energy. How I deal… I simply don’t go around them as often and when I feel I have to (like a holiday), I don’t stay as long.

You have control on the discernment of your energy.  You do not have to play their game. You don’t have to get involved with the attack. Start saying no. It’s okay to say, “No, I don’t want to engage in this conversation.” It doesn’t make you a mean person. Enforce the boundary. Don’t get caught in their energy because then you will respond emotionally. Once they trigger your emotions, they got you. Now you are caught up in their game and they have your attention. Some people are so caught up on their own emotional roller coasters they are not aware that all people don’t live this way.

LEARN TO BREATHE, BABY. When you take time to breathe, it gives you a moment to look at the big picture. You don’t have to play petty because you were invited to.

The best thing I learned about petty people is to practice forgiveness. It doesn’t mean they are right! It doesn’t mean I agree with their messy ways. I simply set myself free.

They don’t need to know you forgive them.  You do not have to explain it to them. When we truly understand misery loves company, it makes it easier for us not to become upset. People project hate because they feel hate. You can only project what you feel inside yourself. So, the next time your mean, evil auntie says something negative towards you, Baby don’t get upset… know she is talking about herself and NOT YOU!

MY BIGGEST TURN OFF IS MEN WHO COMPLAIN ABOUT PAYING CHILD SUPPORT

I am so thankful I do not have a child support issue. The vast majority of men on social media make my stomach turn. I could not imagine having to explain to a grown man why I need money to help take care of a little human we created together. One of my biggest turn offs in life is to hear a man complain about paying child support for his child!  Most men who are doing all the complaining have never really done the math or had firsthand experience in what it really takes to raise a child. I’ma break it down for a few lames really quickly. My daughter is now 4 but when she was an infant, she drank $250 worth of formula a month. At Costco, I spent about $100 on diapers. I am not talking about clothes, medical insurance or providing shelter.

Now, she is 4 years old and she eats about $400 worth of food a month. When I posted this on Facebook, men actually wrote me that she needs a job or to go on a diet. Actually, you cheap bastards that breaks down to $13.33 a day! I cook at home daily, so this is not eating out or living a lavish life. These are home cooked meals. (Less than the amount of blunts you probably smoke.) Yes, I went there because I can’t imagine the mindset of a man who can’t comprehend the purpose of child support or what it takes to raise a child.

Outside of food, a child still needs shelter, clothing and health insurance.  Also, I pray parents are fostering the kids’ interest with some kind of activities. Children who are involved in extracurricular activities are more likely to go to college.

The average cost to raise a child is $14,400 a year. Monthly, that’s less than $1,200.00.  Bottom line if you are paying under $2,500 a month, I am disgusted by your complaints period!

SOMETIMES YOU JUST HAVE TO RUN AWAY!

Every once in a while, I just…can’t! I can’t do life. Hahaha.  So, I quit and do something completely irresponsible as a parent! Yes, it was a school day and it was a little cold outside, but you know what, life is short. Ima enjoy it and I’m going to make sure she’s enjoying it to!

Sure, there were emails to answer, work to do and phone calls to make but guess what they will still be there tomorrow. The look on her face when she realized we were going to Disneyland was everything.

Southern Californians are terrified of drizzle and cold.  So, with a 20% chance of rain and 55 degrees on a Wednesday, Disneyland was perfect! Our longest wait was 15 minutes for It’s A Small World. No fast passes needed this trip.

lilcherieandMickey2

When it’s all over, all we have are memories. Ima do my damnedest to make sure we have great ones. Believe it or not, we spent an entire day there. My daughter and I ate lunch and dinner, came home with a few treats of her choice and I only spent like $300.00, including paying for VIP parking. I think I did pretty good! I understand everyone can’t do Disneyland but an ice cream date, a trip to the bookstore or library are all amazing dates to share with your little ones. Live it up and keep it fun.