NOT GETTING WHAT WE WANT IS A BLESSING

Sometimes we don’t get what we want! That’s a good thing. Sometimes we want things for the surface view. Meaning we don’t do our research or look into it deeply enough to know if it’s really for us or not. 

Think about it, if the Universe would have given you everything you asked for, 9 outa 10 you would have found yourself stuck in a place you really didn’t want to be later!

I know for myself there were relationships I felt I wanted; auditions I went on that I didn’t book that had me down for a minute. Then years later, I’m thanking God those relationships did not work and the movie I thought I needed flopped! 

It’s really as easy as the expression, “What’s for you will be yours”. No more, no less. Blessings, lessons and life. Stop stressing! 

http://www.therealcherie.com

WHAT DOES SUCCESS MEAN TO YOU?

Living in Los Angeles, I realized success means different things to different people. That’s okay! Everyone has the right to have their own success meter that works for them. 

Unfortunately, the majority of people I ran across are totally caught up in material. Not only is it how they gage their own success, but how they gage value in others. 

This is where the disconnect comes into play for me. I’ve always been more Holly from the Hood than Hollywood! That’s that P.A. blood in me. 

Yes, I was raised in Oak Park and went to Westlake High School, but as soon as I got my driver’s license you could find me in South Central. It wasn’t rebellion, as “People” called it. It was a sense of home, love, and food, which equates happiness to me. To me success is just that: Happiness! 

I know a shit ton of financially wealthy people who are Happy poor! 

This taught me that yes, finances are extremely important especially as a parent, but that’s not based on what kinda car you drive. Now don’t get me wrong, I’ma car girl and love my Ferraris, but a $1,500 car note when you don’t own property to impress someone is just plain stupid. My biggest flex to date is I’ve never had a car note. I drive sensible cars that I can pay for, that get me where I need to go and home. I’ve gotten clowned a lot for my choices. I drove a Toyota Camry for 13 years and it was the best choice I ever made. Others felt I wasn’t cool enough because my peers were in Benzs and BMWs. But when I sat behind the wheel of my XLE with that Gold Package, the fact I was able to buy myself a high school graduation present with cash was everything to me! You can’t tell me I wasn’t the shit! Now again, for ME that’s success. 

I will never forget in my early 30s, I had a friend/foe who tried to clown me about my big screen TV, she was like, “Where’s your Plasma?”

I looked at her and laughed.

First, I don’t even watch TV.

Second, she lived down south, so she could get a flat screen from Walmart for $200.

Third, she was on section 8 and fed her kids with food stamps. For her that was her gage for success. That was okay, but my lane isn’t hers. Then, she tried to clown me about how I was driving an old ass car. At the time, my 350z was 4 years old.

I said, “This car is brand new. My last I kept for 13 years… You don’t even know me.” Bottom line, the friendship wasn’t evenly yoked and that’s OKAY, but I wasn’t about to let her Gage on my Success or waver my happiness. 

The biggest joke about LA is you see a lot of broke folks in a Benz living paycheck to paycheck. For them, that’s success: Car Note & Rent! 

ALL MONEY AINT GOOD MONEY!

There is a man that I know, who honestly has been tryna get at me for many, many years. We just never clicked. I am in no way attracted to his personality, but we have made money together. 6 figure money a few times. So, every so often when I hear from him, I respond. Now, he’s been in my text thread heavily for the past month. He texted me yesterday and asked if I would call him. He had a branding opportunity for me. I didn’t listen to my gut and I called anyway because…Hell, it’s about money. 

I called him all chipper, “Hey, what you got good?” I asked him.

“I have this cosmetic company in South Africa looking for a named talent to be the face of a new makeup line,” he says.

“Makeup really isn’t my thing, (I have sensitive skin.) but what’s the details?” I asked.

With hesitation in his voice, he says, “It contains a special component”.

My mind is racing. I’m thinking, oh anti-aging or something. Curious now I say, “What component does it contain?”

“Skin lightening agents,” he said non confident.

” WTF You just say?” I asked.

He had the nerve to repeat himself.

“WHY IN THE FUCK WOULD YOU THINK I WOULD BE OKAY SELLING SOMETHING TO LIGHTEN THE SKIN OF BLACK WOMEN?” I screamed. (I wanted to make sure he heard me).

“Just hear me out… there is a lot of money on the table, and you don’t want to pass this opportunity up!” He tells me.

“I can’t believe your ass was dumb enough to even call me with this bullshit! What kinda self-hating mothafucka are you?” I screamed.

“Why do I have to be self-hating?” he asked.

“As a Black man, you thought it was a good idea to come at me with this? I asked him.

“These White boys are ready to spend big money. Calm down and remove your ego! They really feel this will be big,” he said to me.

“My ego has nothing to do with this; it has everything to do with my morals. I am a Black woman who loves herself…” 

“Well, I have this cannabis deal…” he says.

“I don’t smoke and I’m on a kid show.” I cut him off quickly and screamed.

Long story short, I have followers who always say I shouldn’t curse and I don’t want the kids reading exactly what came out of my mouth after that, but I called him every damn self-hating coon I could think of. I was completely taken back why a deep chocolate Black man with a whole African name would think it was okay to even come at me with a proposition like this. They say you attract everything that comes to you.

Then, I got even more pissed because it’s a company owned by White people and they got a 53-year-old coon volunteering to go do their dirty work and for the love of money, he was okay with presenting this to me like it was no big deal… Our own are the ones who sell us out STILL IN HUMAN TRAFFICKING TODAY.

Then, I laughed, and I said to him, “You always asked me why I wouldn’t marry you. This right here is why,” I yelled.

He said, “I’ve only been chasing you for 15 years.”

(Can’t say exactly what I said after that, I’m pretty sure it would be considered bullying.) 

For a woman to marry a man, she has to believe he will make choices in their best interest and you would sell me for a dollar. I could NEVER trust you to make any choice in my best interest. I hung up.

Sad thing is that someone else will bite. He will find another Black entertainer who will be all for it because they need the money and that’s what breaks my heart most.

All opportunities aren’t good opportunities. When someone shows you that they feel your morals can be easily switched by the almighty dollar: RUN! 

I’VE NEVER BEEN PRESSED ON MONEY. I am the same with my pockets full as I am with them empty. Money has never waived my morals and I stay clear of those who worship paper over the best interests of anyone. So, DNA went in my phone where his name was. DO NOT ANSWER! I’m getting better at it, as the years go on. He shoulda stuck with doing real estate with me, period.

I Don’t Know Why I Still Allow People To Shock Me, but I’m still Pissed off! Sistas, don’t give any man the power to persuade you to do anything because money is involved. Value yourself and know everything that comes to you, aint for you! When you know your worth, you NEVER have to settle. 

FOLLOW PEOPLE WHO INSPIRE YOU

Let’s face it: social media is the best time waster on earth right now. It has us all captivated, where we don’t have a clue how much time we are really spending there.

I admit… I got it bad, way too much of my time is being spent looking at my phone. I get lost laughing and talking madness. It’s like one big party. Following the wrong people will have you wasting your time. Following the right people will put you on a path of being productive. 

Don’t just follow your friends and family. Follow people with the same interests, hobbies or passions and don’t forget to pick an organization that is close to your heart.

My 4 favorite types of pages to follow:

1) The best pages I follow are those who inspire me and help generate ideas!

2) The pages that teach me something

3) The pages that create a healthy competition

4) The pages that assist in growing my business and making some money.

The great thing about the internet is the possibilities are endless, so if you made no money today on social media, YOU are not on your hustle at all.

BEFORE YOU ASK HER WHY SHE’S SINGLE…

Today my brothers, I am talking to you. Try considering the pool of men who approach her. Now, I truly believe in the course of nature. Dogs chase cats… cats don’t chase dogs. For my religious folks, “He who finds a wife, finds a… you get where I’m going.

Unfortunately, beautiful women are getting the short end of the stick because men are not holding themselves to the standard which they are well aware that they should behaving themselves. 

Why? 

They don’t have to!? 

Well, that’s changing because women are no longer accepting or putting up with the mediocrity. Just doing enough to get by NO LONGER FLIES! 

Men wonder why women are to the point where “we don’t need a man or want a man”

Chronic disappointment, sir… Chronic disappointments make anyone shut down and not want to even allow themselves to be in the position to even feel anymore.

While there are some good men out here being overlooked, it’s because of the idiot that approached before you! She doesn’t even want to deal with what may come after hello. 

Good men, you want things to change? Check other men. Fix their crowns; it is okay! They’re out here swearing they wanna be Kings, acting like peasants! 

My momma always said, “Don’t be a fool and write nothing down you don’t want coming back…” King Kev, not only did I correct you but now Ima use you as an example. Since you’re a King and a Leader, other men can now see the reflection of their failures by yours being put on display! 

Men, we are tired! We are tired of the disrespect, the lies, the playing the fool and the being fooled with! Thank you to those who show us UPFRONT the intentions and the disrespect before hello because then we have a choice and know exactly what will come next. So Ima give him a chance to see his wrong doings a few more times before I BLOCK HIM and everyone like him that comes after him.

I was raised by a Village of Kings who made sure I know my worth. I know what pure love feels like from a Black Man, so don’t bother me with all the impurities…

STOP ASKING BEAUTIFUL WOMEN WHY THEY ARE SINGLE, WHEN YOU HAVE 20/20 VISION!

This is why
Black women
are single!

2021: WOMEN INITIATE DIVORCE 70% OF THE TIME

You go, girl! While I am not advocating divorce in any way, I am proud my sistas are NO longer accepting bad behavior from men! We partied on the way into the marriage, let’s party on the way out of it! 

Let’s be real: when a woman finally calls it quits in any relationship, it’s already been over for quite a while. Women often stay longer than they should! (I’ve been so guilty of that.) Women give men warning after warning, and in so many ways beg for change, before ever being heard. 

Most men aren’t ready to even deal with the issue, until they realize it’s too far gone.

Men are able to ignore the issue and, in many ways, escape the home by diverting their attention elsewhere. Drowning out the chaos and moving on with their day.

While women are able to attack the problems head on and get to the root of the issue before they blow up to the point of no return.

I feel it coming, men are ready to argue me down about how my opinions are wrong. Be mad, Bruh… the numbers Don’t Lie! 

Men, if you want to keep your wife, you need to keep the same behavior that helped you get her.

APPLYING PRESSURE DOESN’T MAKE A MAN DO WHAT YOU WANT HIM TO DO!

I feel so bad watching women who apply pressure to men so they can “ACT” the way a woman wants them to. Acting doesn’t last long. This is a tactic that is truly unrealistic and doesn’t work. Hate to break it to you ladies but if he aint spending as much time with you as you would like, it’s because he doesn’t want to. So sure, you can throw the ultimatums in his face about what he better do and you can threaten to leave but it’s just a temporary fix.

Your best bet is to release the pressure, then you will see what he really desires. This is one of those hard truth times but in the end, it removes the stress from him and you. It also stops you from getting high blood pressure! Self-preservation girl…

If that man is happy at home, he will have no problems being there. If that man is running, the foundation of the relationship is broken and your threats aint gonna fix it. Here’s the real hard truth: it aint gonna be fixed unless HE wants it fixed. You cannot make another person “ACT” the way you want them to. The right one for you, once you voice the concerns to him, will not just apologize but correct the behavior as he sees fit.

Here is another hard truth. You have to stop looking for someone else to bring you happiness. Codependency for your emotional happiness is setting yourself up to be miserable. Nobody is responsible for your happiness but you!

I know a lot of you are screaming at me now about how I am not a man… I don’t know what I’m talking about. No, I’m not a man but I have a Dad, 8 brothers, a man and all male friends. I get to hear what you and your homegirls don’t hear. I have always been that 1 girl in the middle of 10 dudes. I’m invited to the strip clubs and the bachelor parties. While ya’ll having girl days, I’m with my homeboys listening to them talk about ya’ll.

TODAY I FORGIVE MYSELF!

I forgive myself for not knowing better until I knew better! Being happy is a very personal thing that really has nothing to do with anyone else. I was guilty of giving away my power and allowing miserable people to pull me into their funk. 

Energy transfers: I am guilty of being an empath.  I know this, so I should know better. So, I have learned how to protect my energy with my life. I now have no problem not answering the phone when I’m afraid my energy might shift to a place I don’t want to be. I have no problem explaining to people why I choose to love them from a distance. 

I forgive myself for all the times I gave people the discounted rate of my services and they now expect it forever. Basically, I forgive myself for not knowing my worth. I forgive myself for selling myself cheap when I knew I deserved more.

I forgive myself for lowering my standards and going on those dates I didn’t want to go on and wasting my time with people I knew I didn’t see in my future.

I always was frustrated hearing people say the Christian thing to do is forgive. I get it… I really needed to forgive myself because nobody coulda let me down without me allowing it. So, today I forgive myself! I learned my lessons and I will move on!

I hope you find it in your heart to forgive yourself too…

MY CAREER IS ONLY BROUGHT UP IN ARGUMENTS WHEN…

My career is only brought up in arguments when…

They felt threatened by me.

They have jealousy issues.

They felt inferior.

They were never my real friend.

There’s something strange about trying to have a friendship of any sort as an entertainer. You never really know where you stand with people until they don’t receive the reaction from you that they want! Then, the cat’s out of the bag. Instead of attacking my character as a person, they attack the characters I played. (The f@$k)

All of a sudden Ima washed up child star or they ain’t my groupie. Ain’t my groupie, wtf? This is when I am able to laugh. I can’t even be upset anymore or carry out any sort of debate or arguments, it’s over. The greatest gift life has given me is turning off my emotions. Because at that point the argument is no longer about me as a person, it’s about the way they have felt about me from the beginning. 9 outa 10, if they weren’t a fan of my career, they wouldn’t have been my friend in the first place. 

One thing about me, is my career choice has never defined me as a person and it’s not my daily thought, but obviously it is for them. These are not insults, nor do they hurt my feelings. Attacking my career is like attacking my shoes. It’s just a tool I wear to get me where I want to be.

That stands for everyone. Your career is your paycheck and anyone bringing up your means of livelihood in an argument, the real issue ain’t you! It’s them. 

I can guarantee you they ain’t happy with their life path or the reflection they see in the mirror. In life people have two choices: they can either be your co-stars or your audience… GO Shine! 

www.therealCherie.com

DON’T GET MAD WHEN MEN OR WOMEN GET GHOST…

Ladies, don’t get upset, hurt or mad when men get ghost! They are NOT the ones for you. They did you a favor. Better sooner than later. Let them go…

Men don’t feel they owe you an explanation of why they no longer want to talk to you, mostly because then they would have to take accountability for their participation in whatever changed their minds. 

There are a million different reasons why he’s not texting, calling, or reaching out to you anymore. The main reason is he is not the one for you… Period! And if he stayed in the picture, the right one would not come! So, allow the karma to catch him, while you catch yours. 

Step back, let the ego go and truly think, “is that who you wanted to spend the rest of your life with?” 

Okay then, pick your chin up, dust yourself off and stop looking for an explanation they don’t want to give you. Silence speaks loud now; you just make sure you don’t give them the opportunity to come back and do it again! 

Lead with love and gratitude and manifest what it truly is that you’re looking for.  When you receive it, don’t be surprised and appreciate it. 

www.TherealCherie.com