GRATEFUL

Never in a million years did I imagine me and this hottie would be working together again! What a complete gift from God! Thank you, Universe, and thank you All Of OUR PUNKY FRIENDS who have grown up with us! What an amazing opportunity you have given us…we are overwhelmed with emotions. I have cried 2 million happy tears. I am praying for at least 5 seasons and I know we can do it with your help. Punky became a culture for many, taught empathy and life lessons to all of us.

Soleil and I are both parents, so we are on a journey to give the same to our children, not in a corny way! Times have changed. I am so excited to embody the character of “Cherie!” I have faith you will love us as women. We are us; we are strong and powerful and we will make life happen in our own bubble. 

To be able to return to the BEST experience in my life is a true gift! I am treasuring every moment on the set. Soleil is the most pure, kind hearted person I’ve ever met in my life so to be able to hold my homie’s hand again at work is a true gift.

My have times changed. In the 80s, the network used to be 3-5 middle aged white men in suits who didn’t smile. UCP came down to watch our table reading and it was the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. Imagine around 40 people and 90 percent are women ages 20-50 and the room was All Diverse! It was the most amazingly beautiful “Girl Power” thing I’ve ever seen! Different walks of life, different ethnic backgrounds ALL POWERFUL women champion to get this Punky Pilot done! This is real PUNKY POWER! 

To be continued 2020…

“TAKE THAT MAKEUP OFF, GIVE THE HORSE BACK ITS HAIR! “

I was told by men I looked up to and adore, “TAKE THAT MAKEUP OFFGIVE THE HORSE BACK ITS HAIR! “

I grew up in a time when men invested time loving women they weren’t trying to sleep with! I feel really sorry for a whole generation of young girls. Men no longer do that. They won’t tell you they aren’t into the lacefronts and fake eyelashes, instead they laugh at these young women behind their backs but pump them up in their faces and make them think they look good. They try to play hard and act like they don’t care but low-key get they’re dissing young girls after they use them at their convenience. 

I am very lucky and blessed. Men took time out of their day to let me know I was beautiful and “perfectly imperfect, but just the way GOD made me.” I was enough. They made sure I loved myself before I was thrown to the wolves of the dating pool where boys play on girls’ self-esteem every chance they get. I was told by men who supposedly loved me I needed my ass done and another offered to pay for me to have a boob job. But these fake loves were too late! I was already warned about their kind.

My first boyfriend, Victor Carrillo told me, “Stop flat ironing your hair, your curls are beautiful. Thank you, Mookie.

I already had a platonic, successful male friend who wrote me a 4-page letter about how I never needed to alter my body because I was perfect. Thank you, Najeh Davenport! It was a small gesture of love to him, but I’ve carried it with me through life!

“Take that dead puppy off your head!”, said Antwon Tanner about my fake bangs before we left the house. Thank you, Brother! LOL  

“You look like a geisha girl, take that shit off your face!” said Dr. Dre. LOL, I did have on a lot of makeup. I just got off work, LOL. Mel-Man then told me to go put some real clothes on. LOL, I was young and had too much hanging out, LOL. But I thought I was doing it. My body was banging.

Just thinking back at it makes me giggle! I love these men and hold them close to my heart. 

Luther Campbell confessed to me one night when I was about 18 years old that he wasn’t attracted to what he has built his character around. Look who he married, a conservative, beautiful lawyer…. I’m not name dropping, instead I’m sharing names of men who helped me become the woman I am now, who many of you admire as well. These men were real friends to me. Along with many others, they helped teach me I WAS ENOUGH. Once you love yourself, nobody can take that from you or have you thinking less of yourself and you damn sure won’t settle for less.

I hope some young men who read this are encouraged to take some young girls under their wings and show them genuine love before fake love is all in their faces.

This is what MEN LEAD THEIR FAMILIES means. It’s a man’s duty to PROVIDE, PROFESS and PROTECT! Provide isn’t always about money, it’s a safe place, it’s providing confidence and it’s about providing security of one’s heart! Profess that young men have some knowledge to offer. Protect isn’t about fighting but also about teaching to protect the heart. Love enough to protect women from you and themselves.

56% of women are dissatisfied with their overall appearance! That’s over half the women in this world. Ladies stop looking towards your female friends for advice and ask a male homie. If you don’t have platonic friendships with straight men, GO GET YOU A MANISH GAY BESTIE, he will get you right!

Advice I’ve gotten from women about my appearance was: change it up, get some tracks or a full weave, I should get a nose job, I should botox or laser the winkles in my forehead, my laugh lines should be filled in and put stuff in my hair to loosen my curls or make it straight chemically so it won’t curl anymore. I always was too skinny or too thick. (Imagine if I’da listened) This was advice from family members and people who supposedly love me! Not random friends.

We have to teach our daughters to LOVE THEMSELVES the way they are! I pray my daughter is surrounded with the genuine love and friendship I was blessed to encounter growing up. That positive male energy is needed! Mom & Dad’s word isn’t enough, it takes a village! I feel sad for every woman who didn’t grow up with it. It shows…

IT’S 3 A.M. AND MY FIRST THOUGHT IS…

It’s 3 a.m., I am 43 years old. I just woke up out of a sweet slumber and my first thought is:

“Tonight
I just want to take you higher
Throw your hands up in the sky
Let’s set this party off right

Players, put yo’ pinky rings up to the moon
Girls, what y’all trying to do?
24 karat magic in the air
Head to toe so player
Uh, look out!”

Yes, I literally woke up to sing Bruno Mars! I cannot be the only one who has music in their head at the most random times. No, I didn’t’ listen to the song before I went to bed or even yesterday. LOL. My subconscious mind wants to party. (I think?) Why fight it? I am having a dance party alone in the middle of the night. I snuck out of bed, played on IG, cleaned my daughter’s fishbowl, got her schoolwork laid out for the day, made homemade pizza dough and dough for a loaf of rosemary bread. Now I am sitting here waiting for my dough to rise wondering WTF is wrong with me, LOL. Is this normal behavior? For me, it is. I realize I accomplish way more in the middle of the night than I do in the daytime. My old night owl ways just won’t go away and let my days be great.

Problem is by 7 a.m. I’m always exhausted and by 7:30 a.m. my daughter will be ready to party. SMH.

Is this mom life? Will I be forever sleepy?

SOMEBODY ASKED ME ABOUT MY EX…

Somebody asked me about my ex… I told them I don’t have an ex, as an adult the only ex that would count is an ex-husband! I have a present day…. They proceeded with telling me to stop playing I said, “Pause, Bruh.” If I didn’t marry them, I have no kids with them, no property, no business then they DON’T count! I’m 43, get real everyone I went to dinner with I’m supposed to claim? If I must have an ex, I have 3: Tony, Robert and Victor. If you aint talking about one of them, I simply have no recollection. Okay, 4. I will claim Billy too since that was my first little love. (Right you don’t know those names, they weren’t on TMZ.) Anyone else is a simple…. a don’t count, and if you don’t know about those 4 names then you really don’t even know me, so why are you tryna have this conversation?

My point in posting this is why do so many of you spend time claiming people that are completely irrelevant to your present or future? Dating is about getting to know a person and once you know them well enough to know you don’t want to spend the rest of your life with them, why do people hold onto them like there was no life before them? There will be plenty more life without them too.

When the year mark hit, I asked myself this question “If it never gets any better than this…will I be happy spending the rest of my life with them?” It was time to erase a lot of my memory bank and move on. I have a whole family now, some of ya’ll need to erase my dating past outa your memories too. Hell, ask my brother, Twon. I don’t even remember some of the dudes by name. Hahaahahah.

NOBODY SAYS CAUCASIAN AMERICAN!

Don’t call me African American.

In the 70’s, we were Blacks

in the 50’s, we were Negros

Before that, we were coloreds.

You do not get to call me what the fuck you want to every 20 years to duck political loopholes. LET ME MAKE THIS CLEAR, I WILL NOT CHECK THE BOX!

When my daughter was born, they didn’t even bother to ask her race they simply put on her paperwork what they saw. Same thing they did with the Natives back in the day. Mark them as Negro or Mulato or Mullato, depending on who wrote it. It had many different spellings on my families’ paperwork. Then, don’t have to pay them reparations. I think it’s really sick that “the powers that be” can change people’s identities to what they would like it to be anytime it benefits them. My people are from North Carolina dating back to the 1700’s.  Guess the fuck what, I am MORE AMERICAN than those fuckers who want to change my people’s identity! They associate with their identities and where their people migrated from. Then they try to feed us this shit that everyone here was from somewhere else. A lot of people can’t find their family history because they are looking for African Roots when in fact, their roots started RIGHT HERE!

Immigration has always been a beautiful thing, as long as your skin is white. For our Brown immigrants from the beginning of time, it’s been nothing but hell. We have the power to change this and the boxes they want us to check if we start thinking, speaking up and voting. Give America the hell they been giving us for years. This time through contracts, lawsuits and paperwork. Hit them in their pockets. MONEY is all they respect!

PROOF SISTAS: MEN ARE STILL ROMANTIC, YOU JUST HAVE TO SEE IT

A beautiful gift written for me from a man I will anonymously call “LOVE”
She’s Music 🎶
She’s your mental soliloquy.
Your daily symphony.
She’s on repeat the whole day long.
She’s the melody that rides the groove.
Her kisses reminding you of love being sure and smooth.
She rocks you with zeal until your long gone.
She’s the hip-hop to your trap.
Her body finely wrapped in measured colors only God, Himself can do yet so true.
She’s your gospel and your song.
She’s the love you need to right your wrongs.
That is just what she do.
Kiss 😚 her lips 👄 4 times consistently.
Find her truth in the purest of intimacies.
So she knows you played her heart’s ♥️ serenade.
Bring peace with your mental jazz.
Make sure to play her mind,body and soul with truth and fact.
So she can taste your love’s lemonade.
Be aware of every note.
Listen to her speak from her inner dope.
Become addicted to her MUSIC. 🎶
She’s Music 🎶

 

REFLECTING ON A FACEBOOK MEMORY

My goal this week is to be a better me than I was last week! My understanding of self has elevated to another level. The more I distance myself from distraction the more I personally prosper spiritually and financially. At the end of the day no matter how anyone else feels as long as I am a good person and kind to everyone me meeting my goals and my loved one’s health is all that matters. I’m doing something I haven’t done in years…I sleep well at night now because I have learned how to let other people’s problems be just that OTHER PEOPLE’S PROBLEMS. My captain save a hoe cape is officially retired

364 days after I wrote this post, I birthed my 1st daughter. I was transitioning internally! It’s okay to change. It’s okay for life as you knew it to change. Transition can be a beautiful thing if u allow yourself to see beautiful in it. Confirmation that I am right where I need to be.

SALES EXCITE ME

Have you ever gone to the store and bought some shit just because it was on sale? I admit it, I have issues. Sales excite me, buy one get one free excites me even more. I’m not ashamed to say I don’t even care what it is. If it’s buy one get one free, I’m probably gonna buy it. If it’s not something that I can use, I don’t care. I have a family or friend who can use it.  I once bought matching hammers because they were buy one get one free. I handed it to my older brother and he just looked at me and laughed. When he called me back two weeks later and said he thought that hammer worked great, it sounds silly but it brought me joy. When I was a child, Kmart was my favorite store in the world and that’s because they had buy one get one free. Don’t forget to get excited about the little things in life because when you look back memories are all we have so I always make the best ones even if it’s just shopping a sale!

SO, I’M AN INTROVERT. I’M NOT BORED OR SAD. THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH ME!

Yes, I am happiest alone and tend to shy away from people as much as I can.  As I grow older, I realize it’s because I am somewhat of an empath. Energy transfers and a lot of y’all have fucked up energy! Even many that I love have horrible energy and I have no desire to feel it. Even when you’re not complaining, the fact that you’re not happy in life weighs heavy on a empath’s heart.

I used 2 be the type who helped everyone and was somewhat of a fixer. If I could fix your issues, your self-esteem or help you pay your bills, I would but that shit is emotionally and financially draining. I’m over it and have divorced that part of my former self. In result, I also divorced many friendships willingly.

Now, I enjoy my peace. It doesn’t mean I don’t like you…but if you can’t share my space often, it might mean your energy just drains me. Have you ever gotten off the phone with someone and you all of a sudden were physically tired and depressed, but right before the call you were happy and energetic? I don’t mean a call that delivered bad news or a death but a regular call from the homie? That means energy transferred now you are carrying their vibe with you, until you shake it off or transfer it back to someone else. I hate that feeling. I no longer wish to take on other people’s emotions. By myself, I’m chill with no drama. Except my drama of motherhood but that’s my entertainment!

I have friends who think they are being sweet, but they get on my nerves tryna force me to be positioned in social situations. I try to explain it to them, but they don’t get it. I don’t need more friends, I don’t want nobody else calling my phone, I aint tryna hang out. I’m tryna chill at Chuck E Cheese, not a bar, a social gathering, or anywhere with these grown folks. I could be doing something with my kid! I’ve spent my entire life being social. I literally want to spend some time being left alone. I don’t see why that’s so hard to understand.

My whole point in writing this was to say preserve your mental health by guarding the energy you allow to share your personal space.

THE BEGINNING (WHAT HAPPENED WHEN A GOAT BULLIED ME)

In 1975, the Steelers won the Super Bowl 16-6 beating the Minnesota Vikings and Arthur Ashe won Wimbledon. Microsoft became a registered trademark of the Microsoft Corp. The Vietnam War ended, and a loaf of bread was $0.33. The unemployment rate was 5.6% and I was born that November.

I always knew I was different.  You see, in 1977 my mother and I got an official police escort out of the Pittsburgh Zoo. My mom thought it would be fun to take me to the petting zoo. I thought it smelled gross and there was a pesky goat that kept nipping at my shoestrings and that annoyed me to no end. I have always had a shoe fetish and didn’t appreciate that dirty little goat messing up my brand new, fresh blue suede Adidas. First, I yelled at it to stop then pushed it off of me. When the goat persisted in eating my shoelace for lunch, I did what l was taught to do, protect me and mine. I pulled my fist back as far as I could and gave it to the goat right in the dome piece. That’s right! I hit that goat as hard as I could right in the face. When I looked down, I was so upset that my shoelace was all tattered and unraveled that I felt like the goat needed to learn a lesson. I guess I went a little overboard because before I knew it, I was being picked up and kicked out. How embarrassing for my mother. I wasn’t the slightest bit embarrassed. In fact, I was ready to leave because the hot dogs were nasty, it smelled bad, and the popcorn was cold. Also, I had another funny story to go home and tell my brother, Mark and my granddaddy. I skipped all the way out of the zoo while I reassured my mother that we really didn’t want to be at that stinky place anyway. She just laughed while 6 men followed behind us like we needed them to show us where the exit gate was.

Now that I am older, it’s hysterical looking back and realizing that my first real fight was with a goat. Who does that? But that fight was my foundation and stands for so much more than just a tussle over my shoestrings. Fighting is all I know. I have no problem fighting when my personal space is disrespected. I have no problem fighting for things I want. Don’t get wrong, I am not a bully nor do I cause any problems. But if you get in my way, you better watch yourself because we’ve got problems.  Fortunately, you won’t have to watch your back because I will let you know to your face that you are about to get punched in the nose! I believe in giving a warning before I cause destruction. SMH. Sorry, Momma I was hell on wheels, and you are right, I am getting it all back though my daughter! LOL.