Children with low self-esteem feel that important adults and peers in their lives have constantly judged them on their performances and successes. They generally feel unloved and only valued when they please their parents. Although all children have a need and desire for positive self-esteem, they either feel satisfied by the approval they receive from others or are frustrated and feel unloved as a result of their disapproval.
A parent’s role should reflect one of a coach who realizes the full implications of their efforts on the child’s developing sense of self and then acts accordingly to reinforce it. When they use overly exaggerated empty praise and cheers of well-intended support, they merely lend to teaching children to rely on others’ judgments and opinions instead of forming their own beliefs based on their experiences.
Low self-esteem also results from parents who only offer acceptance when a child completes a task or meets a standard; the child only feels worthwhile when the standard is met. Because these standards are conditional, a child’s sense of self is not positively reassured and may then fear attempting new tasks in the future.
Although increasing self-esteem in children has been thought of as a cure for misbehaving children, parents must be conscious of not offering inflated or inappropriate praise. Children who hear how great they are regardless of their behaviors receive confusing, conflicting messages; these messages may induce feelings of grandiosity in the child. Parents and teachers might think this will increase the child’s self-esteem but being overly lenient and passive only increases their inner conflict and decreases their overall self-esteem. Although the parents may be fearful of setting limits for children who might become frustrated and angry, being too permissive decreases a child’s personal sense of accomplishment and instills a false sense of self-importance.
I think it’s important to be transparent with how you are feeling so that everyone in the house is on the same page. Being a homeschool mom, sometimes, the relationship between parenthood and teacher isn’t always a happy one for my child or myself. When we are transparent with how we are feeling we are better able to aid in each other’s journey.
There is something about female hormones and mood swings that doesn’t always mix. Yes, she may be 4 but she is fierce and mighty. I have to remind myself that nobody wakes up happy every single day and everyone is entitled to bad days… even a 4-year-old!
So that I can keep a grip on how she is feeling, part of her morning work is to draw a silly face about her mood on the top of a worksheet. After I grade the worksheet, I hand it back to her with my mood on it as well. Sometimes we laugh… other times we share a hug and an encouraging word! Either way we are able to be on the same page.
An extra 2 minutes with this chart helps me stay in tune with my daughter’s inner self!
These days most people accept divorce as a way of life, completely unaware of the damage they are doing to their children. Tell your friends, acquaintances and co-workers to read these shocking statistics about divorce and children. It may help save a child’s life down the road. (And no, I’m not figuratively speaking either. Just keep reading to find out what I mean.)
The Rising Statistics of Divorce and Children
- Half of all American children will witness the breakup of a parent’s marriage. Of these, close to half will also see the breakup of a parent’s second marriage.
- Among the millions of children who have seen their parents’ divorce, one of every 10 of those children will also live through three or more parental marriage breakups.
- Forty percent of children growing up in America today are being raised without their fathers.
- Of all children born to married parents this year, fifty percent will experience the divorce of their parents before they reach their 18th birthday.
- Studies in the early 1980’s showed that children who experience repeat divorces earned lower grades and their peers rated them as less pleasant to be around.
- Teenagers in single-parent families and in blended families are three times more likely to need psychological help within a given year.
- Compared to children from homes disrupted by death, children from divorced homes have more psychological problems.
These statistics about children and divorce are pretty shocking, aren’t they? The DEATH of a parent is LESS devastating to a child than a DIVORCE. (Even I wouldn’t believe this if I didn’t see the statistic myself.)
The PHYSICALLY Damaging Effects – Statistics of divorce and children
- Children of divorce are at a greater risk to experience asthma, injury, headaches and speech defects than children whose parents have remained married.
- Following divorce, children are fifty percent more likely to develop many health problems than two parent families.
- Children living with both biological parents are 20 to 35 percent more physically healthy than children from broken homes.
I can’t stress how important it is to know all the facts before you get a divorce. I’m not saying you should live unhappily, I just want you to know your child’s life is in your hands. If you’re seriously considering divorce and you haven’t attempted to save your marriage, I’ve just given you 10 reasons why it’s at least worth a try to keep your family together! Marriage and having children were your choice….