CHILDREN DESERVE PERSONAL SPACE

It is important early on to teach your child that they are entitled to have their own personal comfort zone that is not to be crossed. We teach our children not to trust strangers but force our children to hug and kiss people we know because we think it’s cute. Children should have the right to choose whom they hug and kiss from day one. Do not force your child into going near a person they don’t naturally gravitate going to. It’s not important how it makes the adult feel, it’s more important that the child is comfortable. We teach our children lessons in many different ways. Personal space is one lesson early on where a child should get to choose their feelings over someone else’s. Children need to be taught that they are the most important person in their life and in yours.

Living in the United States today, there are 39 million adults who survived child sexual abuse. More than 3 million children are victims. If those numbers are not crazy enough, it is a proven fact that 95% of child molestation can be prevented. Most people think, “not in my family,” but that’s where you are wrong.

Most children don’t tell because they are protecting their abuser because he or she is a part of the family. Children also have a way of protecting people they love from pain, so sometimes they don’t tell because they would rather carry the weight than watch someone else feel pain for what they are going through.

It is estimated that 1 in 20 teenage boys and adult men sexually abuse children. 1 teenage girl or adult woman in every 3,300 females molests children. The numbers add up to be 15 out of every 100 Americans who have been either a molested child or a molester.

Some people will say that sexually touching a child does no harm. Some adults will even tell boy victims to “act like a man” and “stop whining.” Other adults are unsympathetic about the experiences of adult survivors. They will say that, no matter what happened in childhood, that is the past. You’re an adult now, so get over it.

The facts are that sexual abuse does harm the child and that the damage often carries over into the child’s adult life.

Studies show that this damage can include: difficulty in forming long-term relationships, sexual risk-taking that may lead to contracting sexually transmitted diseases, including AIDS; physical complaints and physical symptoms, depression, suicidal thoughts, and suicide, links to failure of the immune system and to increases in illnesses, hospitalizations, and early deaths.

In addition to the tangible physical and emotional damage that sexual abuse does to the child, that terrible secret that is held so close by two or three family members can go on to tear at the fiber of the family in generation after generation.

I taught my daughter early about her private parts. I also taught her if anyone ever touches them, she is to tell 3 people! Why 3?  Because if she tells 3 different sources at least 1 person will take the claim seriously and not keep quiet. People tend to try and keep the secret which shames the victim like they did something wrong.

I am crazy overprotective and do not believe in leaving my daughter alone in the room with ANY MAN! No matter who he is: father, uncle, cousin or brother! Call me paranoid, I’m okay with that.  I only have one chance to protect her! Just one!

NOT JUST YOGA – BIKRAM YOGA

I lost myself and forgot who I am. I had been in California way too long.

YO, Duquesne, Pennsylvania and all my east coast folks, let me tell you about my conforming ass. I needed to get the fuck outta California. I say this because I let this dude convince me to go to some shit called Bikram Yoga!

This is not just yoga, but the room is like 120 degrees and they got you in there doing all kinda weird stretches with your body! Well, my hypoglycemic self hadn’t eaten anything all day and it was 4:30pm so I grabbed 2 cheeseburgers and went to class!

I was dizzy as fuck feeling like I was gonna puke and all these half-dressed, happy as fuck Cali folks were in there doing the splits and smiling and shit! LMFAO.

It was a 90-minute class.  I did about 80 minutes, okay maybe 75 minutes.  All the other time, I laid my ass on that stinky mat and tried to breathe.

Wasn’t excited about taking my shoes off and touching their floor, but I lived! It wasn’t that bad. I might go back. Before you LA folks start chiming in about YOGA, just know that’s some ol Hollywood bullshit to us East Coast folks, okay. Not saying Yoga is bad shit.  I tried it but it ain’t a part of our day to day life, though we heard of the shit B4 LMFAO!  It doesn’t smell too fresh in there either.

MENTAL HEALTH

Okay, I have a question.  Am I the only one who feels it’s morally right to let people know when your battling mental health issues?

We need to talk more openly and honestly about mental health and breaking down the stigmas…

1 out of 5 adults, that’s 43.8 million people in the United States, are suffering from mental health issues. An estimated 26% of homeless adults staying in shelters live with serious mental illness

Mental health includes our emotional, psychological, and social well-being. It affects how we think, feel and act, as we cope with life. It also helps determine how we handle stress, relate to others, and make choices. Mental health is important at every stage of life, from childhood and adolescence through adulthood.

Depression, anxiety, bipolar and schizophrenia are just a few mental health issues people suffer from.

So, in one way or another, we have all encountered people who are battling mental health issues. I myself found myself in a friendship where I didn’t understand the drama until the friendship blew up and turned bad… very bad but all could have been avoided if I would have known my friend was bipolar!

I’m not saying I wouldn’t have been friends with her if I would have known she was battling a real disorder.  What I am saying is, I would have handled things a lot differently from the start if I would have known she was clinical. Now things are too far gone to salvage the friendship. I choose to keep my distance, but understanding the real issue made it easy to forgive and wish her well…

When you battle mental health issues, it doesn’t just affect you but everyone you choose to bring in your life!

5 BASIC RULES TO RAISE A HAPPY CHILD

All you have to do is really think with a clear mind, be rational and use common sense. Children often carry the emotions of their parents.

1. Show your child respect.

Children learn from example.  They will copy what they see you doing throughout their life. So, if you don’t want them (your child) calling people out of their names, don’t call other people out of their name in front of your child or speak to them in a degrading tone. You are your child’s first teacher and most influential person in their life. Whether you want them to or not, they will do as they see you do. So, teach them how to respect you and others by you showing everyone around you respect. Also respect yourself, don’t let your child see you behave irrationally or social unacceptably, because they will do the same.

2. Lead by example

If you cuss, 9 times out of 10 your child will grow up and use foul language also. I am doomed, my child has already repeated some of my words. The “do as I say, not as I do” only works as long as we are in our child’s presence. If your baby grows up seeing violence in their home, most likely they will respond to difficult times in their life with violence. Children learn how to deal with their problems by examples of the adults around them.

3. Keep an open mind and heart

You are raising an individual. Don’t have the mindset that it is your way or the highway. Different people have different opinions about things, it doesn’t mean your way or your child’s way is right or wrong. Stay open and don’t make them afraid to express themselves. If they don’t feel comfortable expressing their opinions at home, you will be stunting their growth as a person outside the home.

4. Be their biggest fan

Approval from your parent is what every child wants no matter the age. If you want them to have a healthy self-esteem it is important for you to be their fan. Let them know they can change the world and everything they do positive is important. Don’t let anyone praise your child more than you! Let them know they are beautiful inside and out. Encourage them to pursue something positive that captures their attention.

5. Love unconditionally.

Everyone needs to know they have someone in their corner. Someone they can go to no matter what, a confidant. Make sure they know you will not always agree with every decision they make but you will be there NO MATTER WHAT. Make sure your child knows you are a permanent fixture in their life.

WE LIVE IN THE DAY AND AGE OF 🍆 PICS

Fellas, a lot of you out there are sending your wieners to the ladies hoping it’s going to draw you some attention… let me break it down to you. NO WOMAN IS GOING TO EVER TAKE YOU SERIOUS! The same wiener picture you sent to me, I understand you sent it to many others. Often, even to my homegirl and bruh…we compare notes and clown your ass behind your back. Just like a man, would we often share your picture when we see you are a mutual friends with the homie. (That way they know what you are working with.)

While on occasion it might get you laid, sorry buddy that’s as far as it’s going to go.

You can’t lead with your dick and expect it can be romance. Women have evolved as far as their sexuality and their common-sense buddies. No woman wants a man who’s been showing off his love muscle in private Facebooks groups. It’s a joke and a turn off. They are not going to EVER parade you around with pride while their homegirls are laughing. Yes, they might have paid you all the attention until they got what they wanted but then it was over. See women are now flipping the script! This is a conversation and mentality we learned from you guys, now we get to use it against you too. Men need to hold themselves in the same regard they hold us ladies because we are laughing at many of y’all the SAME WAY!

You need to cut it OUT! Approach is everything.  Often women can’t get beyond the approach. If you want things to be more than one night, you got to work little harder. There are men in our inbox sending cash app money for NO REASON and plane tickets! In other words, you sending your dick, we gonna treat you like a dick! No exceptions… It’s all good kid.  You played yourself.  You get what you give! You sent the homie the same dusty dick picture.  BRUH WE KNOW AND WE ARE LAUGHING AT YOU! Continue reading “WE LIVE IN THE DAY AND AGE OF 🍆 PICS”

THE ART OF GROWING CURLY, KINKY, COILY HAIR

I cringe every time I hear someone say good hair. It really pisses me off. Black people have such a stigma about hair.  It makes me sick! All hair is good hair, and every hair texture has the ability to grow. Anything you water will grow. Depending on the products you use and your environment, bi-weekly washing may not be too much. Also, please be mindful of the products you use on your little loves.

When you put something on your skin and scalp it absorbs into your blood stream in 26 seconds! Why would I ever put anything on my daughter I couldn’t pronounce?

My biggest no, no is using petroleum-based products on a child’s scalp. It clogs their pores. I grew up in an era where greasing the scalp was something black folks believed in. This is the root of why some women battle their hair growth today. Sure, for the moment it looks good but after years it is the root of hair follicles being clogged. Say “no” to grease and hello to natural oils!

Here are 3 hair care tips:

  1. Natural shampoo is key. Babies’ hair is fine and has a hard time holding up against shampoo with alcohol in it. Alcohol dries and strips the hair, NOT washes. Water is the best hydration in the world.
  2. MOISTURE, MOISTURE, MOISTURE. Use a leave in conditioner that is water based. Water is the best moisture there is. This summer we spent a lot of time in the pool and my daughter’s hair started to feel little dry.  Every night I started spritzing it with water and reapplying oil and conditioner to seal the hair.
  3. I also deep condition it monthly! I love Queen Helen’s cholesterol. I’m guilty of being old school and still putting a treatment in not just my hair, but also my daughter’s. Do not overdo the cholesterol because it will dry out your hair.

Every day when I comb her hair, I spray it with water first to help detangle. I section it off and I start combing at the bottom and work my way up.

I apply leave-in conditioner and put it in a protective style. I do not braid tight around her edges or pull the hair too hard.

Healthy hair starts from the inside out so eating a well-balanced diet full of fruits and vegetables is key.

Another important key to growing long hair is the less manipulation the better. I happen to prefer twisting her ponytails over braiding them because I feel it stays moisturized longer. When I do braid, I make sure not to braid tightly. And her braids DO NOT STAY IN MORE THAN A DAY. That’s right, I comb her hair daily. I also do not add synthetic hair in her braids. Synthetic hair tends to cut into our natural tresses and break it off!

JUST LIKE THAT I HAVE A LIL CHAMPIONS GREEN BELT

I’m amazed and proud my daughter is so committed at the tender age of 4 years old. Just a month shy of her 1-year anniversary of taking Tae Kwon Do, she took her green belt test. I was really worried because we moved after her first 2 months of taking class and she had to start at a new dojo with new masters. She earned 2 white belts with numerous stripes, but I was afraid she was going to be discouraged. My fears were not projected onto her because she felt none of the pressure that I did for her. (Again, my anxiety is not hers. Thank God.) Her Tia Jacelyn bought her a belt rack for her birthday and she loves it. She looks at it daily and it’s helping her count down the time to her black belt! When she is in her room playing, it is a reminder of her goals.

4 days a week my daughter is at Tae Kwon Do on time, dressed, on the mat in first position, focused and ready to start class. Often, she is the only kid who shows up for her class and she has learned to take advantage of the one on one time with her master. To my surprise she said to him, “I’m ready. I know I can pass my green belt test”. He allowed her to do it. It took 7 LONG minutes. She was focused and determined though the whole test. I don’t know if I have ever been so nervous and proud at the same time. The look on her face when he said, “Good job,” was everything! She turned around and looked at me with the biggest smile when he walked away to get the green belt. Then she turned back around and tried to look focused, but she was smiling so hard her Master couldn’t help but to smile back.

I always tell her, “Mommy is proud of you baby but it’s more important for you to be proud of yourself.” At that moment, I could see it. She was super proud of herself! After he put the green belt on her he handed her the yellow belt and said, “Take this to your mom.” I got a chance to hug and kiss her and say, “Good job.”  It was only a second before she was running back on the mat to continue class. It was only a few seconds but those seconds, I will remember forever. She teaches me so much about life.

This test was a big deal! It wasn’t scheduled but she took control in the direction of her goals. Her Master also believed in her enough to follow her direction. That’s trust and the fact that he believes in her is everything. It was more confirmation for me that our move was right. Prior, she was in a class with 30 other children, so she wasn’t getting the 1 on 1 time with a master I was paying $150 a month for. We lucked up and found the right school this time.

I truly believe this world would be a marvelous place if everyone knew how powerful they really are. For my child, Tae Kwon Do helps her connect with her power. I hope you all help your children find an interest that helps them connect with their power.

MOMMY IS PROUD OF YOU SCOOTCHA. KEEP LIVING YOUR DREAMS!

SECOND BLACK MAN FOUND DEAD IN ED BUCKS HOME IN 18 MONTHS

Ed Buck is a democratic activist who is known in the LGBT community to hire black male escorts.  “He pays extremely well, if you can make it out alive,” according to a source. See, in 18 months, two black men have been found dead in his apartment, apparently of an overdose.  Overdose is the furthest thing from the truth! America wants to believe Blacks and drugs go hand in hand. This one for me is personal Ed, it effects people I love!

Think about it? 44% of LGBT homeless youth are black. Within that percentile how many do u think engage in drugs? Why? They end up doing drugs to have a roof over their head for the night. Who knows that when they see a young black man with nothing but a cell phone and backpack? Older white men will prey on these individuals and use manipulation, as a way of seeking power. (Nothing new, they have been doing it since the beginning of time.)

Once they have you high… you lose your inhibitions. At this point they have the upper hand, so they record them. Then they have something over their heads that these young black men don’t want the public to know (nasty fetish sex that is drug induced, especially a dirty drug like meth). It’s the whole mindset of you will depend on me for everything because I supply your addiction and you get as much as you want and a roof for the night.

 Unfortunately, these are desperate young men who need money and have limited resources. He pays big bucks but only if you survive! ED BUCKS is not the only predator in the community! He has just made himself well known because of the recent deaths.

Parents need to stop kicking their children out of the house and turning their backs on their children simply because of their sexual preference. Never in life have I heard of children coming to their parents and announcing that they are straight and feeling ashamed because it’s a dirty secret! You don’t deserve to be a parent at all, if you can simply turn your back on your child.

This is why there was such an issue about Kevin Hart’s gay jokes. Spreading the acceptance of hate can no longer be tolerated in any form. It’s not about him apologizing over and over, it’s about him opening up his mind and understanding he has an influence on many of the black community and this kind of hate and shame is effecting our community as a whole. BTW, Kevin aint funny but some of those Plastic Cup Boyz who write for him are!

Back to Ed Buck, he needs to be stopped and so do other predators like him!

 

LEMON IS A BLOOD PURIFIER

Lemon is considered a blood purifier! There is a laundry list of powerful things this super fruit can do. It helps fight cancer.  It cleanses your stomach, aids in relieving constipation, helps strengthen your immune system, helps high blood pressure, aids in weight loss and keeps your breath fresh. My personal favorite things are the benefits it has to your hair and skin.

If lemon juice is applied directly to the hair, it can give your hair a natural shine. If applied to the scalp, it can treat problems like hair loss or dandruff.

Lemon juice is a natural antiseptic medicine and can cure problem related to the skin. It is good for acne and eczema. It removed blackheads and wrinkles, which means it aids in anti-aging. Drinking lemon juice mixed with water and honey brings a healthy glow to the skin.

If you’d like to try a lemon soap, I love this one made by Kian.

Lemon Zest Scrub Soap

 

 

BUILDING SELF-ESTEEM

Teach children about decision-making and how to tell the difference between a bad decision and a good one. Let them “own” their problems. If they solve them, they gain confidence in themselves. If you solve them, they’ll remain dependent on you. It’s important to teach them to think for themselves. Take the time to answer questions. Help children think of alternative options, don’t give them alternative options.

Self-esteem refers to how children feel about themselves and expect to be accepted and valued by others who are important to them. Because it is important for them to feel accepted, a healthy sense of self is crucial for determining how they will approach life and interact with others. Self-esteem represents an individual’s need to belong and feel loved unconditionally; it is not just a happy positive idea about oneself, but rather a reflection of one’s character and self-respect. It is assessed by an individual’s ability to handle life situations and tasks and is interpreted by the individual from feedback received from others. For example, if children believe they are good readers, they will look for opportunities to improve and increase their reading skills; however, if they believe they have difficulties with reading, they will likely avoid tasks associated with reading and give up more easily when they are required to read.

Self-esteem has many aspects and develops within the context of a child’s evolving sense of identity and the ever-changing life tasks and challenges he or she faces. It is a lifelong developmental process whose roots are established in early childhood. A child’s sense of identity is developed through their view of acceptance, power, control, competence, and moral virtues. Children are active participants in their developing sense of self, which incorporates feedback received from parents, friends, siblings, teachers and classmates. Love, trust, autonomy, initiative, self-control, and the ability to interact socially all contribute to a lasting role in how children feel about themselves as individuals. They develop self-understanding and competence through their interactions with others, from which they construct a sense of self and personal value.

Teaching children well-developed coping skills and problem-solving techniques reinforce positive self-esteem by enabling them to think strategically and achieve personally desired goals.