What my 20s and 30s taught me was that loaning money was a huge mistake. I expected people to think as I did. I believed every sob story and excuse and overextended myself to people because I cared! When it was time to pay me back, those same people never cared about me.
Now my answer is simply “No.” With NO explanation behind it! (Thank you, Jacelyn, you taught me the power of No and to stop feeling bad.) I have this lifelong friend whose name is Jacelyn and she is fiery! Afro-Latina with a heart of gold and the mouth of a sword! I love her to pieces. One day she said, “Fuck them C.J. Think about it, they don’t give a fuck about you and if you needed some shit from them, would they do it for you?” Those words have rung in my ears for years. I don’t think she even understands that was a major turning point for me and some of the best advice I have ever been given because she was soooo right! I had a large amount of people around, family included, as long as I was useful to them in some way. Once I was NO longer an asset or useful, I stopped hearing from them completely, even cut off….but Jacelyn saw what I didn’t and we still rocking what she taught me.
Don’t go into details about your finances, and don’t make long excuses justifying your decision. It’s really none of their business. Just be direct and keep it simple. If you feel the need to be extra sympathetic and nice. Try the following:
- “I’m not really in a position to lend you money.”
- “I really don’t feel comfortable doing that.”
- “I’m sorry, but no.”
- “That’s really not feasible for me.”
These are direct statements that aren’t rude, but don’t provide an opening for future requests down the line. When asked to expand, simply repeat one of the phrases. Remember: It’s your money.
A lot of you may know I am homeschooling my 4-year-old daughter. I am not an educator, so I often reach back to my village for advice. Some are moms, others are educators. After having a conversation with Brandy about whether I was going to give spelling test or not our conversation ended like this.
Blue is me. the other is Brandy and I am not being messy. I got her permission before sharing as you can see in post.
Thank you so much, Brandy for making me really think. Ladies, we have to do better! A sista took me to church today!
Your employer might not spell it out to you, but I will. Bosses and managers biggest complaints about employees are the following:
You are Not professional if you are late! There is no debate here. I have worked with people who swear they are super professional but are notoriously late. You are a waste of time. Time is something you cannot get back. You are also disrespectful. There is no other way to put it, because your lateness has a domino effect and ultimately affects many different people’s days. You are a waste of money and a liability. I will give you a 15-minute grace period, one time every 3 months. After that, you are no longer worth my time or energy.
You are Not professional if you do not keep your word! Your word is all you have. If you give deadlines and do not meet them or over commit yourself, you should have thought about that before you opened your mouth. If you lie to me once, after that nothing you say will I believe.
You are Not professional if you aren’t dressed right! Dressing right for a job isn’t a matter of opinion or have and have nots. It’s a matter of being well groomed and presentable.
You are Not professional if you let your personal life interfere with your job! I do not need your love life interfering with the office. Your lovers quarrel should never make it to your place of business.
You are NOT professional if you spend company time tending to personal matters. Paying bills, going to the cleaners, travel arrangements should never be made on company’s time.
YOU ARE NOT PROFESSIONAL IF YOU ARE ENTERTAINING OFFICE GOSSIP! (You are not at work to make friends or talk about people. DO YOUR JOB AND LEAVE.)
Basic common sense will get you far in life!